Amsterdam

I Don't Want To Be Where You Are

2009-02-17T14:51:00.002-05:00

I haven't updated in forever so I guess we're long overdue for an emo post. I think my little buddy might hate me. I love him to pieces, but ever since I started being a creepy stalker he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

I'm not creepily stalking him, just his older brother...much of which I cut out.

It's like, I don't give a crap what his brother thinks about me and I'm crushing on him like for real and for serious, but I care so much what my little buddy thinks of me. I feel like if he doesn't like me then I'm not a good role model.

I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I do and it's sad D:.

You're Killing Me Inside

2009-02-07T21:32:00.004-05:00

I have to do this on my own? You told me you were the one teaching! I agreed to be your assistant! Now you make me teach just because I offended you by correcting your pronunciation on a word?!

Now you're not even helping me plan the lesson because you'd rather hang out with your backstabbing friends?

Let me tell you something! YOU'RE A LOUSY BEST FRIEND.

I had to hang out with someone's MOM today (not that I mind, I love Leslie...just her son is like 15 and so not cute and she's like almost my mom's age) because you LEFT ME HANGING.

Not to MENTION you STOLE MY SHOES.

I am SO MAD AT YOU.

It's Killing You Inside

2009-02-06T08:25:00.002-05:00

I'm debating on telling my friends about this blog. Some (see: all) of them might get offended, extremely so. Which sucks, tch.

Today it's my favorite person in the whole wide world's birthday. His name is Josh and he's the total cutest fourteen year old evar.

My contacts are getting a little weird because I haven't slept so I probably can't spell. Rawr.

My friend stayed over and I'm really depressed and when I'm depressed, I sleep, but apparently she wants to stay up all night and I'm about to start crying. I'm so not in the mood for this right now.

*just spent ten minutes staring off into space*...

How about I embed a video and move on with my life?

PORN HOUNDS!!!! Lol.

It's Killing Me Inside

2009-02-05T19:11:00.002-05:00

I wondered randomly what I would say about myself in a character meme.

Full name of Character: Cara Morgan.
Reason, meaning or purpose behind the name: Cara means friend (yeaaaaah) and Morgan means ocean.
Nickname: Calimari Rockin, That Girl.
Reason for nickname: Mrr.
Social class: Lower Middle Class.

Physical Appearance
Age: 18.
How old they appear: 18-30.
Eye Color: Brown.
Glasses or contacts? Both.
Hair color length and style: Color is auburn. Length is medium. Style is classy emo.
Weight and height: Gross and short.
Type of body (build): Marshmallow.
Skin tone and type: Tone is paleyish...yellow? There are skin types? Normal? White? Not of hispanic origin?
Shape of face: Round XD.
Distinguishing marks: Scratches from her cat, beak of a nose.
Is s/he healthy? Ish.
Do they look healthy? No.

Favorites
Favorite color: Rainbow.
Least favorite, why? None.
Music: Anberlin, rock, screamo, hard-core.
Least favorite music, why? Miley Cyrus, rap, poppyishnastical because.
Food: Sushi.
Literature: Books, romance, violence, thrillers, historical.
Expressions: Fake smile, eyetwitch, pissy.
Expletives (curse): ...
Mode of transport: Feet, car.

Personality
Are they a daredevil or cautious: Honestly, it depends on the situation.
Do they act the same alone as when with someone? No.
Habits: Faking it.
Drinks: Stuff.
How much: All the time.
Greatest Strength: Faking it.
Greatest Weakness: Arrogance, being fake, inability to understand herself.
Soft spot: Compassion.
Is their soft spot obvious, why/why not: No.
If not, how do they hide it: By being mean.
Biggest Vulnerability: Love.

Background

Hometown: Yakima
Type of childhood: Overlooked.
First Memory: A glass doorknob.
Most important child hood event that still effects him/her: Molestation.
Why? Because.
Education: Highschool.
Religion: Christianity.
Finances: Broke.
FamilyMother/Father: Keith and Doran.
Siblings, How many, relationship with each: 4. Gary, distant. Jennifer, distant. Liz, closeish. Ben, close.

Attitude
Most at ease when: Alone.
Most ill at ease when: With people.
Priorities: Being a leader for God.
Philosophies: Yeah.
How they feel about themselves: She likes herself, but she doesn't like herself. Who I am hates who I've been...in reverse.
Why? Yeah.
If granted one wish what would it be, why? To just go ahead and die so she can go to Heaven.

Traits
Optimist or pessimist? Mrr
Why? Mrr.
Introvert or extrovert? Why? Closet introvert who became an extrovert because she apparenly feeds off other people's emotions.
Talents: Lying, cheating, and backstabbign.
Extremely skilled at: Backstabbing.
Extremely unskilled at: Being loyal and reliable. Understanding herself.
Good characteristics: ...Compassion.
Character flaws: Everything else.
Mannerisms: Proper.
Peculiarities: A lot of things.
Biggest regret: Sex.
Minor regrets: Yeah.
Biggest accomplishment: Coming to God.
Minor accomplishments: Being alive.
Darkest secret: She doesn't know herself anymore.
Does anyone know? Not thus far.
How did they find out: No.

Self-perception
One word they would use to describe themselves: Boring.
One paragraph of how they would describe themselves: She doesn't have time for this crap.
What do they consider their best physical characteristic and why: Mrr.
The worst one? Why? MRR.
Are they realistic assessments? Lol.
If not, why not? Mrr.
How they think others perceive them: Boring, a waste of time, arrogant, smart.
What four things would they most like to change about themselves: Those four other than smart.
How do they relate to others: Not very well even though she can fake it pretty well.
How are they perceived by strangers: Arrogant.
Wife/husband/lover: No.
What do they dislike most about them: No.
Goals: Yeah.

Problems/Crisis
How do they react in a crisis: Depends. On one hand she could freak out. On the other hand she would probably be the calmest one.
How do they face problems: Yes.
Kind of problems they usually run into: Relationship issues, not being able to rely on God.
How they react to new problems: Mrr.
How they react to change: Depends.

General
Favorite clothing, why: Jeans and a nice shirt because.
Least favorite, why: Yeah.
Jewelry: None.
Where do they live: Here.

Yay.

Thirst For Substance Somehow Isn't Right

2009-02-05T18:56:00.002-05:00

Have you ever had one of those days when you just wake up and you don't want to be yourself? You realize that you've done so much bad in your life without realizing it and then once you know you've done bad you can't fix any of it.

I tried to change myself four years ago and I screwed up. Now that I think about it I would've been better off not having friends. I give people titles in my life and I play it up like they matter to me, but I'd drop them in a second. Why am I so hard to get along with?

Blah. Why am I in this perpetual pit of despair? I'm so tired of all of this. I mean, this is just like my oldest Livejournal now that I think about it. I honestly only get on blogs to whine. Wow. Maybe I should post some writing or pictures of things I like or doodles or fanfiction mockeries.

orrrr some excerpts from Persecution. Yay. Now I finally have a place to post them ♥. But for now I'm done.

'Cause Your Heart Seems So Cold Tonight

2009-02-05T14:53:00.002-05:00

I use people. I don't like admitting it, but I use people. The friends I have right now are for my convenience. I use people, I hurt people, I get rid of people. I don't mean to be like that, in fact, I remember when my mom was talking to my sister Jennifer about being that way back when I was around the age of 6 or maybe 7.

My thoughts on that conversation went like this: "That's so cruel, but don't I do the same thing with my friends?" A seven year old. Seven and I was using people.

I've been back-stabbed a lot in my life, which is no excuse, but it also makes me incapable of trust. I can trust some to most people easilly, which sounds kind of contradictory, but I'm getting to that point. After I trust you, tell you some secrets...there's a time where I get bored with you. Where I don't want you in my life anymore. So I throw you away.

The reason? There's a lot of those. You might've gotten too close, you might have said something to offend me, or you might've just run out of whatever I was using you for. Do I keep friends just to pin my emotions on them? I might do that, y'know. I'm so incredibly stupid.

Just in the past few days I've learned that one of my friends who wasn't really my friend was spreading rumors about me. So you know what I did? Dropped all my current friends and decided I was going to be hanging out with different people.

It's like, they don't mean anything to me. My friends mean nothing to me. I make myself sick when it comes to relationships. Why do I use people like this? Why do I do this to myself.

Douche-bag of the year. The End.

Could The Winter Calm Come Twice

2009-02-04T23:13:00.002-05:00

The D'Aniello story: full and unedited torture.

It all began almost two years ago in April of 2007. I went to a youth conference called Anomaly with my old church Youth. My sister Jennifer was my youth leader at that time, but that isn't incredibly important.

You know how you do when you go to a new church? You look around for some cute guys/girls? I was sitting there at the church (that I'm a member of right now because I changed churches) and doing that. That's when I see D'Aniello. Yeah. My first thought was "He's kinda cute" then I turn to the girl who I had a crush on at that time and sit through this amazing church service.

It was awesome, by the way. And then I go away for...wait a second. I'm wrong. It's almost three years. This happened in April of '06, didn't it? Whatever. It happened either almost two or almost three years ago.

So I think that about him and that's that, period.

A year later (or maybe not even a year) I meet him again when I visit that church in December. I see him and think the same thing about him. "He's kind of cute" then I go on with my life. I first started crushing on him in February when I finally had a chance to talk to him. He's a funny guy. I like funny guys. Then I find out that he's smart and I was sold.

I had some people point my in his direction. Like they'd mention him to me, but I wouldn't know who he was. And I remember talking to him once or twice and I just really liked him. Then the more I got to know him, the more I wanted to know him, and the less I liked him.

Honestly, he was more fun when we didn't know each other all that well. He's so quiet and he doesn't know how to have friendships or relationships with anyone. I don't know why it bothers me so much, usually I'd leave people like him alone...but I'm not.

Anyways, back to the story. Then around...was it a year or was it...wow, I'm so confused. I think Anomaly was 2006 because I dated Yuki in 2007 around March...or was that 2008? Wait...Anomaly was in 2007...I AM SO CONFUSED! O-o;.

Anyhow, all you need to know is that I started dating this girl. I forgot all about my stupid crush on D'Aniello and moved on. I was happy with this girl. I didn't want to give her up. I mean, she was my best friend for three years before I asked her out.

I wish I hadn't. Honestly, I love her as a friend, but I wish I hadn't. I just made so much grief for myself. It was so painful.

But in, like, May I broke up with her. We dated for two months. The first person I talk to after I break up with her is D'Aniello. The first time I hugged him. I looked like crap, I remember. And this is where the attachment started. He tried to cheer me up because I was upset. And this is where the transfer of all these undealt with feelings ended up going to him.

When it got too hard for me to handle. I told him I liked him. He rejected me like I knew he would and I tried to move on with my life. There was no moving on. I waited until around December and told him again, he rejected me again, which was no big deal, I was expecting it. Then just a few days ago I told him again because I am just not getting this whole rejection thing.

Now, I get it. There isn't anything there. Sure, I find him attractive, sure I might be crushing on him, but not in the degree that I'm thinking I am. There's a lot of stuff I need to deal with.

One: I need to realize that getting molested was not my fault. Two: I need to realize that I don't need to be with someone to make me feel better about myself -- I'm already awesome. Three: Nat and I broke up. Four: Justin doesn't like me. Five: Yuki and I were friends, never meant to be girlfriends. Six: I don't need people to love me to be happy. Seven: I don't need a crush. Eight: I need to deal with my emotions. Nine: Having romantic feelings for someone is a big commitment. Ten: I need to get over it.

And this is just the tip of the iceburg. I make my life so much harder than it needs to be.

The end.

You're Pushing Me Aside

2009-02-04T22:28:00.003-05:00

Have you ever gone somewhere and heard someone talk and realize, you were so wrong about everything? Tonight I was in Youth Group and I met this girl named Candace. She was amazing. She does spoken word which is like rapping, but with poetry. I can seriously relate to her, but before I get into any of that I want to go back and talk about the drama ministry.

We had our first practice tonight which was a little, well, yeaaaaah. I'm, of course, the only one that brought my script. I didn't give one to Alex because I didn't meet with him and, of course, the other people had to lose theirs. Not to mention my contacts were bothering me D:. Anyhow, it was a disaster, but I loved every minute of it. The teenagers don't listen to me, they treat me like I don't know what I'm talking about, but I love it. I love being a leader, I love the people I'm working with, I love drama and most importantly, I love God. I have to take the bad with the good and everything inbetween. I'll get it, I'll get the confidence it takes to lead the drama ministry and I will respect the kids I have to work with.

And while I'm talking about God, you know what I've noticed? We go to God when we have problems, but do we go to God when we're happy? When we don't have problems? Think about it. I've done this too, and right now I'm trying to get better about it. I need God, I want God, this was my choice. It wasn't my parent's choice, or my grand-parents choice or my friend's choice and I know this is seemingly unrelated to what I just said, but if I chose this then why am I doing the bare minimum? I'm not even trying in this relationship. I pour all I can into my other relationships, but I'm severely lacking with my relationship with God and that hurts me. I'm trying harder now, but I still continue to lack in this relationship. Wow, I just said relationship a lot.

I was thinking about the Catholic church and how they have nuns the other day when I was praying outside of my church in my sister's car. And I realized something. The nuns don't get married because they have a marriage to Christ Jesus. That's what I am, I'm married to Jesus. It's not a friendship, it's this strong bond exactly like the bond between a husband and a wife. Now, if there are any homosexuals reading this and going "Looky there, a Christian finally admitted that there's some kind of homosexual relationship going on between Jesus and his male followers." That's not what I said. We're called a lot of things. Children of God, the bride of Jesus, and other stuff. Just because we're 'married' to Christ in a sense doesn't mean the guys that have the same relationship as the women do with Christ are gay for him. That's so weird.

Now that I've gotten off subject to talk about my relationship with God, I'm going to go ahead and get back on subject and talk about the rest of Drama practice and the youth group meeting tonight.

Okay, so, like I said, we only had one script for like 8 people. And my co-co-director was over there doing push ups and crap while I was trying to get everyone to settle down and do what I needed them to do. I had a great time, but I'd like them to think of me as a leader and not as their friend. Sure, I'm friends with most of them...well, all of them actually, but still. In that sense I'm their leader and we have to be ready in like a month. And none of us can remember our lines and it's just really sad and I can't do this with them working against me.

I had to change around some parts because there are people I just cannot rely on to come to practice. And this hurts me. I knew it would be like this, but when my youth pastor came into the room and told me he didn't want to be a part of my drama ministry I was in awe. I had to give his part to someone else and I was just like "We don't have enough people for the parts and you're quitting on me?" It was another bump on the road to this ministry being successful.

I had fun tonight trying to get everyone in order. There was a lot of laughing and playing around, which I don't mind one bit. I love to laugh and play, but I don't like people to be off doing their own thing it's annoying. I think next meeting I'm going to make a point to establish myself as the leader. This is getting ridiculous.

Anyways, I love my drama ministry so I'm done venting about that portion of what's up with me tonight. Now I want to talk about the speaker we had tonight in youth group.

Her name is Candace, her stage name is Chosen and she was amazing. She did a few poems for us tonight then asked people if they had any questions. Then she made a point of asking us questions which was so funny, especially when she got to me.

She was all like "Do you have a question?" And I shook my head "no" and she looks at me (giving me the same look I would've probably given a person like that) and she's like "are you sure?" and I nod and she's like "you look like you have a question" and I shake my head again and she's like "what is it" and I'm like "I don't have one." So she leaves me alone. A few people laughed.

After service I got her, though. I went up to her, gave her a hug and told her "I didn't have a question, but I can relate. I was molested as a child and I've been struggling with my sexuality." Every single day I learn something new about myself like I pawn my feelings off on someone else so I don't have to deal with them. It's easier for me to have a crush on someone than it is for me to deal with those feelings. And there's a person in my life that I've pawned my feelings off on. I like this guy, I do. I might have a small crush on him, but I've just put all the feelings that I haven't been able to deal with for years on this poor kid and I've become some kind of creepy stalker. It's so weird. I've told him my feelings three times in hopes that I can get over them. They aren't going away and now I realize...that they might have not even been there to begin with. I'm so confused on everything.

I'm still questioning my sexuality and it's getting ridiculous! I know it's not supposed to happen overnight, but what the heck? I want to leave this guy alone, but I'm attached to him on some sort of incredibly strange level. I call him and just want to talk to him. He hates that. I don't want to get on his nerves, but once I start I can't stop. I know this is probably incredibly boring and incredibly stupid, but it's my life.

But back to Candace. She gave me her phone number and told me she'd keep in touch. I told her about my drama ministry and she sounded incredibly interested in that. She mentioned it would be cool if we did something with her sometime. Which I found incredibly awesome-soudning.

I'm done with this for now, but I'm gonna post another post after this one with the whole story of this guy I'm pawning my feelings off on.

Pushing Me Aside

2009-02-04T14:38:00.002-05:00

Have you ever just woken up one morning and thought "What's the point in living?" There's nothing here, really. Sure, I'm a Christian and I believe in God, but what about God here on Earth is so great? I'd rather be in Heaven right now than still living.

As depressing as that sounds, I am just so fed up with having to pretend to happy, to care, to like myself when I'd rather just never ever ever have to do any of those things. I hate holding back and not saying what I want to say. Everyone needs to hear the truth, but then they get all offended because the truth is all painful and junk.

I just got my heart ripped out recently, y'know? And I'm absolutely fine. There's nothing anyone could say to make me depressed on that part. I guess I never really even liked him, but I liked that he was honest with me. Anyhow, this entry is so depressing, so maybe I'll spice it up a bit.

Looooooooong pause. Okay, so I don't have anything exceedingly happy to report right now. Dang my life is depressing, lol. Oh, my cat learned how to open my door so now he opens it and comes in there and sleeps in my room. I wouldn't mind so much if he closed the door, but he doesn't so it kinda pisses me off.

Later days.

Problems That You Try To Hide Away

2009-02-04T01:40:00.002-05:00

Now for a for real and for serious post about how I feel about Jerod, Will, and a few other people in my life. I recently learned that Will spread rumors about me being a whore and being pregnant and said all sorts of nasty things about me behind my back, Jerod has been doing the same thing, and other people, yeah. We'll get to that.

First, my brother. My little brother is usually an amazing kid. I love him, don't get me wrong, but the fact that him getting a sucker every day is worth more than my honor makes me sick. It also doesn't make me feel too good that he calls me fat and lazy all the time. I know I'm fat, but I'm not lazy and it just really hurts me that he thinks of me like that. Why'd I mention him? He has something to do with the two other people I'm mentioning by name.

Second, Jerod. In high school, I pretended to have a crush on him because I got a kick out of toying with him. He never liked me back because he dates ugly girls, but yeah. He's pretty ugly himself. Wow, I'm so incredibly!Super!Mean. He told my brother that I was a stalker and that I had a romantic interest in him. Um, ew. Can you say Billy Goat (that's my brother's nickname for him). Anyways, my brother had Anatomy with him this semester and he's been toying with him almost like I did. But what really gets my goat (pun intended!) is that he told my brother that he would've never "persued me as a romantic interest" yet he persued little Ms. Hunchback of Notre Dame (as my brother calls her, I'm sure she's somewhat more attractice then he gives her credit for). Anyhow, my brother and Billy got to talking again about me and Billy started asking what I was up to and my brother is all "She's going into college soon, lost a lot of weight, dyed her hair, got like boooooooner hot over the summer. Dude, I'd date her--if she wasn't already dating someone else--and I'm her brother." So then Billy is all like "reeeallly?" with this intense interest. He screwed up. Wow, my brother is a douche-bag.

Now to Will. We were friends in high school, I had a minor crush on him back during my Freshman year. Which was guh-ross! He's not even cute! I can't believe Emily dated him. No wonder she hated me! Will talks trash about me all the time. He spread the rumor that I was pregnant, that I was a whore, that I was living on the street, and that I was a lesbian. You'd think he had more class than that. I wish I had never had friends in high school, honestly. It would've saved me a ton of heartbreak and all sorts of crap. Anyhow, my brother got this kid good. Will works at Starbucks, right? So my brother goes over there with one of his friends, orders a tall mocha frappe and without paying for it, throws it in Will's face. It was awesome. Then he high-tailed it out of there. Poor boy was bookin' it. He still can't go back to that Starbucks, which I find incredibly hilarious.

Other people. One of my close friends has been getting on my nerves lately and I don't know how to tell her that. She like, asks me to tag along on everything I do with other people. I'm supposed to go out on Single's Awareness Day with one of my other friends to see He's Just Not That Into You and I told her I would be busy and she started asking me all sorts of questions. So I had to tell her, like, everything. Which totally sucks, it does. Now she's tagging along when I really don't want her to. And I know this makes me sound like a total witch, but we've been hanging around each other a lot lately and I really just need a break! I'm so tired of seeing her all the time and I feel really bad, but come on! Wouldn't you like get tired of seeing someone all the time? Ever?

Another person. He thinks I'm a waste of time. I don't know what to say to that. I find him incredibly boring and lack-luster. I think that might be redundant. Oh well, I'm just kinda pissed off that he's treating me like an utter waste of his precious time. He'd probably like it if I treated him that way, but I'm just getting so tired of all this crap in my life. I think he put it best when he sent me this quote: "Foes...better than friends; friends turn back in the end. 'Least you know foes never had your back to begin" -Jairus. Why couldn't I have just never trained myself not to be an introvert so I wouldn't get hurt when people didn't care about me? Or...did care about me. Uh, yeah. I don't make any sense.

Anyhow, there really isn't much else to say. I need to get a life, less friends and more lonely. Why do I even bother trying to keep up with people when all I am is a waste of time? Have you ever really thought about that? You're wasting people's time by talking to them and even existing.

I bet you feel like a total d-bag now. Go cut yourself emo kid. Vulgarity FTW.

I Can See Everything As Day

2009-02-04T01:27:00.002-05:00

Dissection One.

This dissection is from a few of my earlier AirieChan entries. It's probably emo. You ready? Old!Me comments in italics New!Me comments in bold.

Monday - March 21, 2005
Title: Shadow of love.

Sounds like a bad Sonic The Hedgehog fan-fiction.

~Empty life,

Thus begins the crappy emo poetry.

unforgiving torment.
We stare into the starless sky.

Man! Was I sure optimistic.

Shaking out fists and mumbling revenge,
but we will not have the opertunity to succeed.

You can tune a piano, but you can't oper tune a t! Bad joke, bad joke.

We will die before our hearts see what it truley means...
to be in the shadow of your love.~

Bravo, bravo, bravisimo! Bravo, bravo, bravisimo! But waaait, there's more!

Okay so I got written up today cause I was an ass in my math class. Go me! Other than that...really not much more to say. Yeah I know...I'm a total loser

Aw. It's no fun when old!me makes fun of myself. I was gonna say I was a loser D:.

~Airie

That was a short...uh...journal entry. Yeah. Let's do another!

Friday - March 25, 2005.
Title: TO HELL WITH YOU!

Do I sense a rant?

~Friends are friends forever,
no matter if they say,
out friendship is over!
It will begin another day!~

That sounds like something straight out of Pokemon right thar.

UNLESSSSSSSSSSSS

Wow, who knew unless had so many s's? I've been spelling it wrong my whole li--well, most of my life.

Caitlyn:

Caitlyn seems to have forgotten what she was going to say.

Don't worry about emailing me anymore. Don't want to take time away from Will and Meredith. Just forget it until you know what a REAL friendship is!

Well, I never! You know what I have to say to that? YOUR FACE. OHHHH. BURN.

===========================================================

How, uh...creative, old!me.

After Reading that, I was pissed so I told her I hated her and she should go to hell.

Because that's seriously how you keep friends.

===========================================================
This is Her Reply...

DUN DUN DUUUUUN.

Just so you know I will remember this for the rest of my life!

Sad thing is, she didn't.

I hate you too and I'm never going to speak to you again!

Sad thing is, she's my best friend right now.

and if your jumping up and down for joy as you read this........GOOD! I don't give a crap!

Lol, bungee jumping.

And you know what.............I finally realized I don't need you! Because after you said those incredibly hurtful things and after someone I didn't even know "IM"ed me and said "I was told to tell you thanks".......................

Caitlyn: And I will use a surplus of periods to add to my point! ............... are you intimidated yet? I bet you are!
Me: The horror! The humanity!

I also realized that you're not worth it!

Ow, you broke my heart.

You always push me aside and only want to be my friend when you need me to be your friend! I know who my true friends are and the small but sure list does NOT include you!

Oh, the pain. The humanity.

And you know what! It was your fault to begin with!

Caitlyn: YOU KILLED MUFASA!

I know you have other friends and I didn't care! It's just that once you opened up to them it
was just like every time they came around it was just like "Caitlyn who?" So you know what.
I did care about you a lot. Thought of you as a sister. But i've cried enough,

It still cracks me up that she cried over losing me as a friend. That's so retarded!

and I've been hurt enough and now I know that our friendship meant nothing to you

This reminds me of a song.

Thank you, Youtube.

and now thanks to you, it doesn't mean anything to me either. And I'm stooping to your level and saying that I hate you and that you need to got to h***

INTERNET CENSORSHIP.

but our friendship is over! FOREVER! Bye for good!

Forever in Highschool years is pretty darn short.

==================================================================
After That, I didn't Reply, knowing she hated me.

Go cut yourself, emo kid.

==================================================================
This is what she tried to do....

This doesn't mean that I want to be your friend but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry if I said anything mean in my last email because if it hurts you as much as you hurt me when you said those things on messenger friday then I'm sorry!

Yeaaaaaaah. When I read your hurt and insulting e-mail, I was actually happy.

I know how you feel about our friendship so I just ended it!

Sad thing is, she brought this on herself.

I don't want to be friends with someone who manipulates,lies,and takes advantage of me !

Sad thing is, I still do the same thing. And I would also like to mention here: And I don't want to be friends with someone who puts spaces before an ! and doesn't space between commas,commas,commas.

So Sorry and that's it! Bye!
=================================================================
She Sooo contradicted herself millions of times in there. Idiot.

Where?

=================================================================
After That, I decided it would be good to say Sorry fot hurting her too.

COWARD!

I also told her that I was find with the friendship ending...so she would feel comfortable.

IMBECILE!

=================================================================
This was her Reply...

If you are the one who signed in on my messenger account and said that I hate Hot Gimmick
then QUIT!

I told her I didn't, but I so DID.

We may not be friends anymore, but that doesn't mean you have the right to sabotage my account just because you got it for me!

Change your password. Oh waaait, you don't know how! My bad.

And as I have said a million times before I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE MY FRIEND ANYMORE!

Lying is a sin.

I tried to be mature enough to apologize but as I can see you aren't mature enough to handle that!

Stop playing the way you're acting on me, seriously. You didn't have to jump down my throat for letting a friendship neither of us cared about go down the drain.

=====================================================================

Now tell me...Am I mature enough to handle her appology?

Considering you can't even spell apology, no.

Or is she just having loads of fun beating me up? That is stupid.

I don't recall her ever beating me up. She's not strong enough to even hold me down.

I was also NOT the one to sign into her user account and Change her name.

YOU LIIIIE.

Feels Good to update and get this allll out ^_^.

LIIIAAAAR.

~Airie.

And now, a random life tidbit to waste your time. The Will that Caitlyn mentioned, actually spread rumours about me being pregnant and said all sorts of nasty things about me behind my back. My brother told me that tonight. He also told me that he went to the Starbucks where he works and chucked a frappe at his face.

That's hilarious. My brother is so protective of me that he'd hurt anyone that ever hurt me.

Are There No Shadows Where You Are?

2009-02-03T17:58:00.000-05:00

Let us begin. Welcome to Amsterdam. There isn't much else to say. I've got a livejournal. Two, in fact. The first one I don't use anymore and the second one is mainly friends only. As entertainment I will take and dissect some parts of that blog here on my new blog: Amsterdam.

When I was young I used to be so incredibly stupid. It's so funny that to this day I wonder how the heck I got to where I am without killing myself. Oh, and I have a third livejournal as well. This one I left a long time ago and most of my "woe is me" crap is on there.

So anyways, I'll start dissecting soon. Eventually. When I'm not being lazy. And to think, I started working on finding my friend's (well, not friend, it's more like this guy I've got a crush on...well, I used to have a crush on him...I think) blog because he told me I couldn't.

I'll just have to get back to that later when I'm not doing my own thing. There we go.